


Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo

by anarchycox



Series: Phil Coulson is a Disney Princess [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, M/M, Maria Hill is the evil stepmother, Melinda - Freeform, Phil is Cinderella, Sass, Tony is Prince Charming, but for the story she was the most practical pick, canon timelines and situations all messed up, melinda clint and natasha are the animal helpers and are rather more bamf than sweet little gus gus, of course Phil's fairy godmother is Captain America, which kinds of sucks because I love Hill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-25 19:36:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10771023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: The events of Phase One Avengers play out a little differently and it is Sitwell that dies on Loki's spear as Phil has been regulated down to records before the events of any of the movies.But Tony Stark says he will only accept a new handler from SHIELD for the Avengers if they get to pick. He'll host a series of parties and challenges to see who is perfect (knowing that he damn well will make sure no one is perfect, he really doesn't trust SHIELD).Clint and Natasha are determined to get Phil the job, they desperately miss their old handler.Phil wonders if you can get carpal tunnel from a stapler.Captain America is wondering why he is in a basement office holding a magic wand.





	1. Chapter 1

“Phil, I’m bringing in a Co-Director,” Nick said. 

“Huh?” Phil looked up from his papers, the notes he had been putting together for Nick for his Avengers Initiative. 

“If I want the Avengers to fly, I’m going to need help for the day to day stuff. And I thought about giving you the job,” Fury said.

Phil had no idea if he liked that idea or not.

“But when I floated the idea to the WSC they politely disagreed and brought forth that own candidate.”

“Since when do you actually listen to them?”

“Since making this Maria Hill my Co-Director means they don’t cut my budget,” Fury said dryly. “Besides you are busy getting Clint and Natasha ready for the Avengers.”

“They’ll be ready,” Phil said supremely confident.

“Of course they will, when do you ever let me down?” Nick smiled. “Stick around to meet Hill.”

“Sure,” Phil agreed casually.

20 minutes later Maria Hill was shown in, and seemed knowledgeable, was respectful to Fury, and eager to learn about operations from Phil.

She brought two assistants of her own Sitwell and Rumlow, who would be learning the ropes as well.

Phil thought it a good first meeting, and went back to work.

*********************************

“I don’t understand,” Phil stared at everyone in the room dumbly.

Fury’s jaw was clenched so tight, it was a wonder it didn’t break. Hill was there, and so were two members of the WSC.

“Maria Hill is taking over the Avengers Initiative,” Fury said. 

“But sir, all our work,” Phil said. “What changed?”

“Haven’t you been watching the news?” Maria asked.

“I’ve been busy working on Bogota with Clint and Natasha,” Phil said calmly.

“Tony Stark is alive,” Maria said.

“Okay?”

“It was decided that dealing with him and whatever happened in the desert requires a more delicate hand than Director Fury,” Hill said.

“I’ll go,” Phil said immediately.

“You are considered too much Fury’s pet to be effective to work with Stark,” Hill explained.

Phil glared at her. “I am an agent of SHIELD, I know my job.”

“Still we Agent Sitwell will be assigned to debrief Mr. Stark,” the WSC said. “And it has been decided that after his years of service, and in light of how well Maria Hill has taken to the job, that Fury will take retirement and Hill will become the Director of SHIELD.”

Phil opened his mouth ready to fight but Nick gave him a look.  There was no need for Phil to throw himself on that sword.

“Mister Fury, thank you for your service we’ll walk you out,” the two from the WSC said.

“Sure,” Fury said easily. “Good luck, Hill. You are going to need it. Cheese, take care of the place for me, would you?”

Phil nodded still dumbfounded by everything that was happening so fast. He had had no inkling that there had been a power struggle going on. But then he thought how busy Nick had been keeping Delta, and realized that had been his attempt to keep them out of it. He didn’t like it, the bastard always kept too many secrets, but he’d take care of the place for Fury, because there had to be some sort of plan.

“Director Hill, may I go back to work, the mission is going live soon and I want to monitor it,” Phil said. 

“Actually Phil, Rumlow we’ll take that over. I have a new and very important job for you,” Hill said.

“Of course, Director,” Phil somehow managed to find a way to make the title sound like an insult.

Soon he found himself down in records and sitting at a desk across from his old partner Melinda. 

“Fury always said you were the best at paperwork, this should suit you well,” Hill walked away.

Phil looked at Melinda.

“At least they didn’t kill you,” Melinda said calmly.

“I’m just valuable enough,” Phil said. “So show me the ropes.”

“Well today we are stapling work injury information packages together. Tomorrow we’ll go hog wild and file something.”

“Did I die and this is hell?” Phil asked sadly.

Melinda rolled her eyes. “This is worse than hell.” She handed him her spare stapler.   
  


_ 3 years later _

 

SHIELD was compromised. Not that Phil particularly gave a fuck. But -

“Clint,” he said. He reached into his desk for his gun, ready to go after him.

Melinda stopped him. “You go in guns blazing, you know what will happen.”

“I’ll save Clint,” he said. It was easy.

“They’ll gun you down and say it was in the chaos.” Melinda handed him a phone. “Be smart.”

Phil dialed. “Romanoff, Hawkeye has been compromised.”

He wasn’t supposed to know what Clint and Natasha were ever up to, orders from the top but Clint and Natasha had never grown to trust Rumlow and had kept Phil up to date on everything they did. Phil did not smile every time Clint’s expense report crossed his desk. And he absolutely didn’t make sure that all the porn that Clint bought in hotels was paid for via Hill’s private accounts. The fact that no one noticed that told him more about how SHIELD was being run than anything else.

“Understood,” Natasha said and Phil waited while he heard her dealing with whatever her situation was. “Orders?” she asked when finished.

“You’d have to ask Sitwell or Rumlow, but I would recommend you suggest to them they bring the big guy in,” Phil said.

“Stark hates me after what happened, he won’t listen. He’s friendly with Sitwell, Sitwell will go himself.”

“Not that big guy,” Phil said. He looked out through the glass. “Shit Rumlow, good hunting Widow.” Phil hung up and sat at his desk and collated. The man never stopped or noticed them and Phil breathed easier.

“He won’t touch you,” Melinda said not looking up from her own filing. Phil understood that that wasn't her saying Rumlow wouldn't do it, but rather that Melinda would make sure that he never got near Phil.

When aliens from the sky fell into New York, SHIELD hunkered down but Phil lead a small group to aid civilians. 

When the dust cleared Phil was suspended for two weeks without pay.

Clint was with them again.

And Sitwelll had died at Loki’s hand.

Phil returned to work and stared at his desk. He sighed. Apparently alien invasions meant a lot of paperwork to file.

At 1am when he was struggling to finish, Melinda, Clint, and Natasha quietly helped him. He made sure to kiss their bruises better.

  
He tried to remember that he was serving a purpose that he was not a SHIELD of nothing. He couldn’t be, not with these three dear people beside him.


	2. Chapter 2

“Mr. Stark, the fact of the matter is -” Director Hill had been trying to get him to focus for an hour. She was largely unsuccessful as Tony was busy designing rooms at the tower for all his new friends. Co-workers, peeps, whatever the Avengers were (and they weren’t TROUBLE no matter what Pepper said). 

“I should build a hulk room right?” Tony asked. “I mean clearly he’ll be safe and happy in here. I mean there’s a lab and a rumpus room, but still a Hulk space seems logical. Oh and a range. Legolas will want a range.” Tony frowned. “Still mad at Natasha for all the lies. Her rooms will be 2 square feet smaller than everyone else. That will show her.” Tony felt very evil with that and tried an evil laugh. 

Pepper’s head popped out of a door in the hall. “Don’t even try,” she said and did an evil laugh which put his to shame. She disappeared again.

“Stark, you need SHIELD,” Hill said sharply. Barking it like she was still in the military.

“Why? You guys kind of suck,” Tony said. “And the only person from you who was a decent sort, is you know dead, and you used that death to motivate in a rather jackass way.”

“And we have access to world wide intel, the weapons that Hawkeye and Widow need -”

“I can make those,” Tony dismissed.

“Bottom line start, you don’t have to become SHIELD, but if you want to be able to help save the world, you need our consultation and the access we have internationally,” Hill explained. “And all you have to do is accept Rumlow in Sitwell’s place.”

“No, Widow hates him, already told me not to strike a deal if it was for him,” Tony smiled. “Oops, thought when we all took those couple weeks off, we didn’t talk?”

Hill’s jaw tightened. “I can have the files of our suitable and high ranking handlers brought to you.”

“Hawkeye said -”

Hill smiled fondly, it frankly disturbed Tony a little. “I am aware that Hawkeye and Widow hold onto an affection for the man who brought him in, but he hasn’t met qualifications to be a field agent in a long time. We take care of our own, but he’s been in dead records for years now. And honestly, Stark, you want to trust someone that Black Widow has in her pocket?”

Tony thought about it. He didn’t actually want to work with anyone from SHIELD, they played games he didn’t like. They could be fine on their own, but they needed to get set up, and to do that he needed to buy some time. He was a master at wasting time.

He clapped his hands. “Right, field tests, parties, interviews, the whole shebang.”

“I’m sorry?” Hill blinked.

“Look, you want us to have a middleman, handler, dude, sure, that makes sense. But they need to be able to fit and work with a lot of personalities. So we’ll do some practice field tests, interviews, see how they handle social situations.”

“Why social situations?”

“Because the media is going to be all over us, and they need to be able to help control our image. We’ll have to do ops and parties, and charity events if we want to keep the people’s good will.”

Hill nodded, that all made sense. And a good fit, meant easier to guide, to control. “I’ll have half a dozen files to you. Give me three days to pull together quality information packets.”

“Make it an even dozen if you can,” Tony smiled. “More likely to find a match with a wide sample pool.” Tony was damn well going to make sure none of them was a match. “Now do you think Steve would find retro comforting or just depressing?”

Hill walked out, she rather hated the guy, no matter how valuable he was.

Pepper came out of her office. “So, going to sabotage the whole thing are?”

“Yup,” Tony agreed happily. They were fine solo. Didn’t need SHIELD, not once they were up and running.

**************************************

Natasha saw the list before it was sent to Tony and was unimpressed. She went down to records. “Hill’s list is unacceptable.”

Phil and Melinda looked at her. “I thought Hand was on the list, she’s good,” Melinda said and Phil nodded.

“And she would murder Tony in a week, straight up murder him. Hand is great at what she does, large scale tactics, she has zero people skills,” Natasha countered.

“She has really nice hair, and excellent range numbers,” Phil offered. Natasha gave him a look. “But if that’s the best option, what are the others?”

Natasha rattled off names, and Phil and Melinda looked increasingly frowny.

“Clint hates half those people,” Phil said.

“2/3rds,” Clint called down from the vents. Melinda shot a nerf dart up at him without looking. “Ow,” he said. “Phil, put your name in.”

“I’m not officially certified for SHIELD anymore,” Phil reminded them. “Or well, I’m certified enough to keep the job, Hill has denied my requests to recert as a handler.”

“Request again,” Clint begged.

Phil sighed and submitted the paperwork that he always had on hand. He was shocked when Hill agreed, on the condition that any and all SHIELD paperwork related to the Avenger’s initiative was properly filed and finished.

Melinda helped him and years of backlog was done in four days. He was exhausted and he went to the range. Rumlow was there. 

“Hi, I’m here for my recert,” Phil said. He went to the weapons cabinet but it wouldn’t unlock for him. “I’m not inputted yet?”

Hill walked in, “Told you Coulson, only if you got all your paperwork done,” she said. Rumlow smiled.

“I did,” Phil said.

“Oh, that’s strange. I went to the file room and it was a mess,” Hill smiled. “You can try again in two years.”

Phil looked at them and ran down to the basement. Melinda was already trying to clean up the mess. Papers were everywhere, missing, shredded like confetti, it was a nightmare.

Phil sat down on the ground. “What did I do wrong? What am I being punished for?”

Melinda crawled over and hugged his arm. “For being Nick’s. For being amazing.”

“Not fair,” Phil said sadly.

“Life seldom is,” Melinda agreed. “Want to light it all of fire?”

“I really do,” Phil said.

They slowly gather the paper and Phil reminded himself it was stupid to hope for anything.

*********************************

Steve had super strength, military training and years of facing down adversity. He fought in World War II, and defeated an alien invasion.

Clint and Natasha cornering him at Tony’s party was terrifying. He kept trying to signal for help and was either not noticed or ignored.

“Hi,” Steve said. “Great party, right?”

“Tony is going to make Cho cry and get her out of here. That takes it down to 4 candidates left. Sort of surprised Hand, is still around.”

“She’s great,” Steve said earnestly. “Reminds me a little of Peggy.”

Natasha shook her head. “She is an amazing SHIELD agent and all wrong for this job. And will likely kill Tony.”

“It’s true, really bloody too, we’d never get the stains out,” Clint agreed. “She’d probably dye her hair with his blood.”

Steve looked over at Victoria Hand who was talking with Thor and did look impatient. Now that he thought about it, she looked impatient a lot.

“So, of the ones Tony hasn’t scared off yet, do you have a recommendation?” Steve asked. “Tony isn’t especially listening to me.”

“Hill is getting ready to add 3 more people to the pile,” Natasha said. “You are going to help us put in a fourth.”

Steve was really, really scared of her smile. 

Clint’s was even scarier. “How do you feel about playing fairy godmother?”

“What?” Steve gulped.

“You are going to help us bring Phil Coulson to the party,” Natasha said. 

“Do I have a choice?” Steve asked.

Clint and Natasha just looked at him.

  
“Please tell me you didn’t make me a magic wand,” Steve begged. At the gleam in Clint’s eye he groaned, he had just given the guy an idea. This was going to go very badly.


	3. Chapter 3

“I don’t understand,” Phil was sitting at home in his sweats and an old army t-shirt. He held out a hand and Clint handed him the pad thai. 

“Look, we have figured out how to put you in as a candidate,” Clint’s mouth was full and a peanut went flying out and Natasha caught it and tossed it in her own mouth without blinking. To anyone else it would have been gross but the three of them had shared far worse over the years.

“Hill will never allow it,” Phil protested. He handed Natasha the prawns.

“Hill won’t know until it is too late,” Natasha said. “She is handing over the files and is handed back the failed candidates. We can slip you in under a fake name and she won’t know until the end when you’ve passed all of Stark’s tests.”

“I’ve been out of the field a long time, I don’t know that I will,” Phil countered. He caught the knife that Natasha threw at his head. “Okay, yes, you two and Melinda have made sure I stay in shape, but still, command skills are rusty. And what makes you think Stark will listen to me? He hasn’t listened to the other candidates at all.”

Natasha looked at her prawns. “We listened to you, I think you can handle Stark.”

Phil smiled a little at that. “But still, how will you sneak my file in? Hill will have warned Stark not to trust anyone you two like.”

Clint started bouncing a little, which was always worrisome. “We have an inside man. Want to meet your fairy godmother?”

Phil froze. He ran through the options. And guessed they somehow got Pepper Potts on board. It was the only logical choice. There was a knock on the door and Phil went to answer it.

He then remembered that he had just thought logic and Clint in a sentence. “Nice wings,” he said to his childhood hero. 

Steve stood there is the pink sparkly wings that Natasha and Clint had somehow convinced him to wear. He wasn’t sure how. He blamed dark magical forces.

“I’m Steve Rogers, and Clint says you are a stand up guy, who will be able to help us.”

Phil looked over his shoulder at Clint whose ears had turned a little red. “Come on in,” he said. “This explains all the extra food they ordered. Grab a plate.” He looked around a little. “Shouldn’t May be here too?”

Melinda walked out of his kitchen. “Came in through your window. Eat that last spring roll Clint and you’ll regret it.” 

Clint carefully put it down.

“Can I take the wings off now?” Steve begged.

“No,” Clint said.

“Yes, Captain, you can,” Phil said.

“Suck up,” Clint coughed. 

Steve went to the kitchen and Phil spun around to them and did a couple quick hops “Captain America is in my house. Where are my trading cards?” he hissed. “I need them signed.”

“I took them hostage,” Natasha said. “Pass all of Stark’s tests and I’ll make sure he signs them.”

Phil frowned at her but she didn’t relent. He sat on the ground and grabbed a cream cheese wonton and popped it in his mouth. “Fine, I’ll become your damn handler.”

“Whoop whoop!” Clint shouted. 

Melinda ate her food with quiet dedication and Steve returned with a giant plate of food. “I still don’t know why I am needed for this,” Steve admitted.

“Because Stark is going to be work,” Natasha said.

“Because the more of you on board with Phil, the better we can protect him when Hill goes on the warpath,” Melinda suggested.

“So bossman can stare at your really fantastic ass,” Clint added. “Ow!” He frowned and Melinda wrenched his arm back. “Cavalry that hurts!”

“Don’t call her that,” Phil and Natasha both ordered.

Steve was embarrassed but they reminded him of his commandos, that battle friendship. He wondered if having Phil as their handler would turn the Avengers into this affectionate group. He hoped so. “Phil, tell me about your service record.”

Phil began to talk as Steve ate.

They all finished and came up with a game plan. But Phil needed something first. “I need to meet Stark,” he said.

The others looked at him. “Why?” Steve asked.

Melinda just nodded. “You always like that first look.”

“First look?” Clint frowned.

“You both met me before I brought you in, you just don’t remember. I’m good at forgettable.” Phil grabbed his beer. “And a first meet tells me what I need to know.”

“What did it tell you about me?” Natasha asked.

“That Clint could bring you in.”

“Me?” Clint raised his hand.

“That you were the best I would ever know,” Phil said and hugged the avenger.

Melinda quirked a brow and waited. Phil merely smiled and raised his glass in a toast to her. She returned the favour.

“I want you as our guy,” Steve blurted out. “I’ll get a wand if it helps.” He groaned. “That sounded dumb.”

Clint grinned, “I’ll give you a wand.”

Phil decked him, “You don’t hit on a national icon like that.” 

Steve’s tiny smile might have suggested otherwise.

************************************

“Steve, why are we at lunch?” Tony asked. “Not that this isn’t exciting, but I had plans.”

“You were hiding from Pepper. Doesn’t this help you hide better?” Steve asked. “Would she expect you in this diner?”

Tony frowned. “I wasn’t hiding, I was -”

“You should treat your girl nicer Tony,” Steve chided.

Tony blinked. “She’s not my girl.”

“Oh, I thought, weren’t you?”

“Problem with knowing someone forever, is that you love them, adore them, but not in that way. We had no zing,” Tony shrugged, pretended it didn’t hurt. Because if he couldn’t make it work with Pepper, no way would it work with anyone else.

“You’ll find some zing,” Steve said earnestly.

They talked easily about the common rooms Tony was still working on, Tony rambled about a project for Natasha that Steve barely understood. Tony was nice but dismissive to the waitress and only ate a small bit of his food.

It was over in 40 minutes and then he paid and just was gone before Steve could stop him.

Phil slid into the booth carrying a milkshake. “Hello, Mr. Rogers.”

“Steve,” he said. “Well?” He had to admit he was worried. Tony didn’t make the best impression.

Phil sipped the vanilla shake. “He needs a lot of looking after.”

“Too much?”

“According to Clint looking after people is my super power,” Phil said and he finished his shake. “You are having a capture the flag event on the weekend. You vs him. Natasha will make sure I’m the one is Stark’s ear.”

“He tends to have JARVIS shut the handler off,” Steve warned.

“Let me take care of that,” Phil said easily.

****************************************

“I’m sorry, I don’t remember having you on my schedule,” Pepper said politely. The man was wearing a nice suit, thinning hair, good handshake, and as she had started to be able to tell at least one weapon.

“Romanoff put me in,” Phil said.

“Ah,” Pepper removed her hand from her panic button. “I don’t have your name.”

“No, you don’t,” he replied. “May I sit?”

“Of course.” Pepper gestured and he sat and smiled at her. She felt herself relaxing. There was something very comforting about the man.

“I work for SHIELD, in records,” Phil said.

Pepper sighed a little. “I thought his companies generate paperwork, what do you need me to look at?"

“Nothing at the moment, I am going to be the Avenger’s handler though, and thought it would be helpful to be on good terms. You are the Queen of the Castle, so to speak.”

Pepper looked at him. “I’ve seen the official photo of everyone left in the pile you aren’t in there,” she looked at him. “Lackey trying to prove a point, slime his way up? I won’t let a mid age rookie near my Tony and the others.”

“Natasha said I would like you. You really should ask her out on a date,” Phil grinned. “I used to be a handler, power changed hands and then I didn’t. I tried the normal channels, because Clint and Natasha asked me to, and it didn’t work and now here we are trying Abby Normal channels.”

“I prefer the Producers,” Pepper said.

“Definitely ask Natasha out on a date,” Phil said. “I can keep him alive. Keep them alive.”

“What do you need me for then?”

“Help, just a little. Clint and Steve think we should sneak a file into the pile, a fake one. But you know Tony better. A little more mystery than that, to intrigue him, am I correct?”

Pepper studied the man and he seemed to grow sharper, more dangerous as he sat there, without even moving. And she trusted Natasha. “JARVIS?”

“Yes, Virginia?” the smooth voice asked.

“Grant this man the access to Tony and the team he requires. Ignore Tony’s orders when it comes to this man.”

“Understood,” JARVIS said. “Sir, I’ll need a voice sample for pattern recognition.”

Phil quickly recited the three mandates of SHIELD. He stood up. “Thank you, Ms Potts.”

“Hill sent the wrong candidates, puppets she thought would bring her intel, would keep Tony under control.”

“He has plenty of control, he just needs direction,” Phil said.

“We’ll see. Good day.”

Phil knew a dismissal when he heard one and left her be.

**********************************************

“Right, Steve you are evaluating Colby, and I have Johnson in my ear, let’s get rid of these guys,” Tony said into the comm in his helmet. 

They were in upstate New York, a parcel of land Tony bought and SHIELD arranged no fly overs. It had taken Tony a month to get it set up with traps and attacks and it was perfect. He had Bruce and Natasha with him and Steve had Clint and Thor. Bruce would have been happy to sit out, not feeling particularly ragey over capture the flag, but Tony thought (and Natasha agreed) he at least needed some more training just in case. Plus it was just fun.

Pepper sounded an air horn from the ground and the two teams were off.

“Ironman, they’ll be ready for you to fly over and attempt to take the flag from above. They’ll have Clint set up for you - you will not be able to duck his arrows,” the voice said in his ear.

“JARVIS, you know what to do,” Tony said, expecting the usual. “Bruce, fake an injury, Natasha be all spy-y.”

“Negative. Dr. Banner, your years on the run, make you the better option for a sneak approach. You know how to use woods better than Black Widow. Widow make some noise. Iron get your ass out of the air before Hawkeye shoots you down.”

“I’m faster than his arrows,” Tony said. “Wait, how can I still hear you?”

“JARVIS and I have an understanding.”  The voice was really deep and clearly altered from what it was supposed to sound like.

“You sound like shitty batman Christian Bale voice, Johnson,” Tony said. He kept flying.

“Not Johnson,” the voice said. “On your left! Sharp bank, now.” 

Tony didn’t think, just found himself reacting to the voice. And Clint’s arrow went flying by. “See, he missed.”

“Heat seeking arrow,” the voice said. “It’s coming for you. Get in cover on the ground.” There was a paused. “Drop sharply, let it hit a tree.”

“Right, like I’m going to take orders from you,” Tony said. He rolled and the arrow missed but spun and kept coming.

“Fine, I’ll just switch to watching dog cops and laugh when it finds a chink in your armor and you fall from the sky. Of course Ms. Potts might be less amused watching you fall from the sky again, but no, go ahead, upset her, have to do hours of repairs, oh and lose this contest because Thor is almost at your flag. You might want to stop him.”

Tony looked over and dodged the trick arrow again. “Crap,” he said and dove down and blocked Thor. “Hey, pal, can’t let you through.”

“Forgive me, Tony, but I must capture the flag,” Thor picked up his hammer.

“Ironman, on my count hit the deck,” the voice is perfectly calm.

“Not listening to you,” Tony pouted. 

“Okay the arrow will hit you instead of him in 5, 4, 3, 2 -” 

Tony flopped to the ground and the arrow hit Thor and surprised him.

“Dr. Banner has the other team’s flag and is approaching your border, I suggest hauling that giant metal ass to provide him cover, Cap is on his tail and runs fast, though with horrible form.”

“Stop being smart, that’s my job!” Tony shouted but he flew up to provide cover.

“What good would a stupid handler be?”

“Plenty,” Tony groused. “They’d stay out of my way. Our way. We can do this ourselves.”

“Ask Hawkeye how well that works out,” the voice said. “Ironman, only 80% of SHIELD is your enemy. The trick is to work with the 20% that isn’t.”

Tony saw Bruce and blasted the ground, blocking Cap.

They won.

“And you are that 20%?” Tony asked.

“That’s for you to decide isn’t it? Congratulations on your victory.” The voice signed off and Johnson was all of a sudden screaming in his ear about being made quiet and he was too senior for this sort of bullshit and he was pulling his name from the trials.

Tony set to ground and lifted his mask. “Who the hell was that guy?” 

JARVIS was silent.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delays, I am going to try to be better about updates

Two days of hunting and he had learned nothing. There was no trace of the voice that had been in his ear, JARVIS had deleted all the files and coding that had been involved. Tony argued with him about it and JARVIS was unrepentant. He knew this was somehow Pepper's fault. But when he went to confront her about it, she just gave him that look. The Pepper look that said she was doing what was right and best and Tony needed to just deal with it. He hated that look - that look was always correct. If he couldn't get JARVIS or Pepper to talk, there had to be a way around it.

And then he remembered how shifty Steve had looked yesterday at dinner when Tony was bitching about the strange voice. Spangles knew something. And wanted to talk about it. A do gooder like that couldn't hold a secret to save his life. The trick was to catch him at a weak moment. And that night he found Steve crying after watching a movie. Perfect.

"Hey Cap," Stark sat down. "You okay?"

"They should be together!" Steve sobbed. "Why? Why aren't they together?"

"I don't know. What were you watching?" Tony properly looked at the screen. "Are you crying over Love Story?"

"She died!" Steve gulped.

"Crap," Tony said. This was a little too weak. "Umm...there there? Oh shit," he said when Steve collapsed against him a mess. "JARVIS, buddy, dear god get me help." Of course the bastard was silent. But a minute later Clint rolled in. "Clint! You are great with emotions, a little help here."

Clint just looked at him.

"Okay right, that was stupid, but still icon sobbing on me. Little help?" Tony begged.

Clint sat down on the couch. "Thought we agreed, Steve, that you check with people before you watch a movie alone?"

Steve switched from clutching Tony to Clint. He snuggled his face into the man's neck. "It was sad Clint," Steve sobbed.

"I know, baby, I'm gonna put something with happy ever after on, okay?" Clint soothed.

Tony looked at them in shock. "Wait, what? Baby?" He looked at the men. "Are you a thing?"

Clint grinned at him and wiggled his brows.

"You are corrupting the walking constitution? Little impressed," Tony said.

"I was corrupted just fine in 1942 Tony," Steve muttered.

"Wow," Tony couldn't believe that and wanted to ask a million questions but his brain helpfully did a pop up window about the task at hand. "Spangles, you know something about the voice that was in my head for the game don't you?"

Steve stilled. "Uh, it was Johnson?" 

"No, it wasn't," Tony said. He grew serious. "People are keeping big secrets from me. I don't like that."

Steve flinched. "Tony."

Tony smiled at them. "But hey secrets gave me this shiny glowing thing in the middle of my chest, so it's all square right?" He got up to leave.

Steve gave the worst puppy eyes to Clint who shook his head no. "He's in SHIELD," Steve blurted out.

Tony snorted. "Yeah, I managed to figure that out." He looked at Steve who was trying to signal something with his eyes and Clint was doing that glare he did that was disturbing. Tony's brain wandered in a few directions and then he smiled. "In SHIELD, thanks Steve." That gave him something to work with. He just needed to figure out how.

**********************************************

"Wow, the action on this is a lot smoother," Phil said as he stapled a report. "Our stapler requisition was finally approved?"

"No, I went to an office supply store," Melinda said. "Happy birthday." She slid some pages into plastic sleeves.

"You shouldn't have," Phil said. His birthday had been three months ago, she bought him an ankle knife. Phil could see people moving about in the hall more than they should. "Hill expected?"

"She'd send Rumlow," Melinda responded. Phil watched her shoulders tense a little, felt her centering herself, just in case. "But someone's coming."

Phil nodded in agreement. He kept working steadily as people in the hall scurried. And then he saw Tony Stark round a corner. "Interesting. Clint?" he called out knowing they had at most a minute.

"He doesn't know. He's fishing," came down from the vents. 

Phil nodded and he and Melinda exchanged a look. The doors opened and Tony swept in. "Well this is the worst office I have ever seen," he said. "Seriously, don't you feel like you are in some sort of cage? Do you ever see the sun?" Phil and Melinda just kept working. "Hello? I'm Tony Stark? Ironman, saved the world? This is where paperwork goes to die, so I know you've heard of me."

Melinda gave him a look and Tony shivered a little. "I am aware of the paperwork," she said. 

"Right, never introducing you to Pepper," Tony said.

"We've met," Melinda replied.

"What?" Tony floundered. "Are you two? Why is everyone hooking up around me? And why am I not getting laid?"

"I am friends with Natasha, she and Pepper are dating - I gave Pepper a once over to make sure she was good enough."

Tony's jaw hardened. "Pepper is better than anyone here."

Melinda smiled a little. "I need tea," she said and left the room.

"Are you here for a reason Mr. Stark, or just touring SHIELD?" Phil asked calmly. He knew JARVIS had distorted his voice enough that Tony wouldn't recognize it.

Tony looked at the man, he was perfectly common for a guy stuck in records. Tony had a hundred of his sorts working for him, and he was sure he knew what buttons to push. "Hey there -"

"Phil."

"Phil," Tony smiled. "I need some help."

"I'm sure Director Hill would be happy to provide it," Phil replied.

"See, here's the thing, I don't know that she would," Tony said. "Because I think something is going on behind her back."

"No one at SHIELD would break the rules," Phil said earnestly, eyes wide. "Going against Hill is a really bad idea. I've seen the files that proves it."

"You ever even met her?" Tony was curious. "I mean you see all the files so you have to have a fair bit of security clearance."

Phil nodded. "After the battle of New York, she toured every office. Even shook her hand."

Tony smiled, yeah he knew the measure of this guy. "Well you know, you help me out, I can help you out. Maybe get you moved up a couple floors, put in a good word with Hill for you."

"Gosh, Mr. Stark, you'd really do that for little old me?" Phil could hear Clint trying desperately not to laugh up in the vents.

"Phil, buddy, I can get you an office with a window," Tony promised. "All you need to do is help me find someone in SHIELD."

"We employ 824 people currently," Phil said. "I need to find one person?"

"It's a man," Tony said. "Almost sure of it."

"That takes us down to about 479 people," Phil said.

Tony blinked. "You know that?"

"I read a lot and have to remember it, in case a level 7 needs a file. SHIELD keeps a lot on paper, harder to find than digital. Did you know that someone hacked SHIELD?" Phil looked properly horrified.

"Yeah, that's horrible," Tony said. "But I'm sure they had a really great reason."

Phil made his fall. "But they could have compromised the honest and hard working field agents that keep America safe." He heard the vent shift above him and thought okay maybe he was pushing it a little far.

"Remind me to introduce you to Captain America," Tony said, figuring that would sweeten the pot just a little bit more. "But let's talk about those field agents a little more."

"There are currently 84 male field agents," Phil said. "85 if you count Hawkeye's peculiar status. Gosh do you know how much of the paperwork I have to deal with is just his cross team status?"

Jesus, paint drying would be more interesting than this. But Tony needed into those paper files. And he had a brilliant idea. "Hey, do you like parties?"

"I do! I host a once a month board game party," Phil replied.

"This weekend, I have a big Avengers charity ball," Tony said. "Costume party. I'll add your name to the guest list, Phil."

"Coulson," Phil added helpfully.

"Sure," Tony said. "Now all I need you to do is -" his phone beeped an emergency code. "Shit, I have to go. We'll talk about your future at the party, Phil." Tony hurried out of the room and once he was well gone, Clint came out of the vent.

"Gosh?" Clint looked at him. "Why didn't you say golly gee willikers?" 

Phil grinned. "The data suggests that he expects all suits to behave in one of three ways. Awe and earnest boot licker is one of them."

"You've never licked a boot a day in your life."

"Well there was this one time -"

Clint winced. "Fuck boss, don't come at me with kinky shit." He grinned though. "But hey, party! What will you go as?" He knew that Phil generally went to parties as a Howling Commando, but would have to shake it up this time since Hill would be there and know that look.

"I'll come up with something," he said. Clint's phone beeped. "Go save the world."

"Can't wait until you are getting the call too, boss," Clint said and was up and gone in the vents.

Phil looked down at his brand new stapler. "Me too," he said softly and got back to work.


	5. Chapter 5

"This is the worst," Phil groaned as he moved around in the costume. He hated it. "You got me a bad guy costume."

Melinda didn't care about his whining and adjusted an arm piece.

"I mean, this is a great costume, clearly top of the line, but...how do I pee, Melinda?" Phil looked down at his crotch.

"I suggest rationing fluids," she said. "It was this, ninja turtle, or Iron Man." She looked at him. "And you look terrible in green."

"Yes, but I know how to use all the ninja turtle weapons. I could be a great hero in a half shelf."

"You and Clint are watching cartoons again, I see," she said. She held out the helmet. "Voice distortion, and lets me be in your ear. And Hill would never in a million years suspect you in a villain costume." She smiled. "Not a boy scout hero like you."

"Not a hero," Phil muttered and went to put on the helmet.

Melinda leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Hero enough." She brought the helmet down and wiggled it about. "Talk to me, Coulson."

"You are my very bestest friend and if I get this job I'm setting you up with a superhero."

"Get me Thor, he's dreamy," Melinda suggested.

"Isn't he with Dr. Foster?"

"Oh well, I'll just die sad and alone." Melinda smiled. "Now go party."

"How do I even drive in this?" Phil could barely move.

"Your fairy godmother is downstairs with a pumpkin coach. Go Team." Melinda pushed Storm Trooper Phil towards the door and settled in with a beer on his couch. She turned the laptop on tested the camera. She was seeing what Phil did. "Hear me okay?"

"Affirmative," he replied, the distortion sounded good, she could only pick out that it was Phil's voice because she knew him so well. "Eeep," he said as he got down to the lobby. "I mean...no I mean eep."

"Damn," Melinda agreed. They both stared at Captain America in an Errol Flynnesque Robin Hood costume. "The tights work."

"Thighs," Phil whispered. Melinda hummed in agreement.

"Hi, Phil," Steve said blushing. "I don't get why Clint wanted me to be Robin Hood?" He fidgeted with the bow. "Shouldn't this be his thing?"

Phil grinned, because he knew Clint. "You'll see. And thanks for the lift." He was grateful when he saw the SUV, getting into a low car in this outfit would be hard. "How is it all going?" Phil asked.

"Slow, Clint seems to have bought in a little to Steve Rogers virgin hero, but I'm going to seduce him tonight. I can do it. I think. Bucky had moves, I'll copy them." Steve smiled. "Thanks for asking."

"I was asking about Tony and our plans to get me as your SHIELD handler," Phil said. Melinda was laughing in his ear. And oh jeez, Steve was now super embarrassed. "Clint likes coffee. I mean really likes coffee. He would marry coffee if he could."

"How does that help me seduce him?" Steve asked. 

Phil smiled under the helmet. "Tell him that you have really good coffee stocked. That you'll grind fresh beans for him, a whole pot just for him, after he wakes up in your bed."

"I only have instant in my apartment, Tony makes great coffee in the family kitchen and you mean lie because what matters is the waking up in my bed part," Steve clued in halfway through talking. 

"There you go," Phil said. "Now talk to me about what happened in Jersey a few days ago. Clint filled me in, but he's up high, and I want an on the ground view point."

Steve explained what had happened, what went right, what went right and watched as Phil broke it all down and gave him great tips and perspective. "Jesus, we would have been done in half the time with you coordinating."

"Rumlow hates, Tasha, never uses her to the best advantage."

"I want to punch him, he said...not nice things about her, but Tony said best the devil we sorta know until we can ditch SHIELD entirely." Steve looked at Phil. "But I really want to work with you."

Phil smiled. "I want to work with you too. Rumlow spreading the old rumours about Natasha huh?"

"I couldn't especially say if they are the same, sir," Steve said, his spine straightening. Something in Phil's voice even distorted in the helmet poked at his brain, had him wanting to be at attention.

"On it, Coulson," Melinda said. She opened up a window and sent a message. She had been developing some connections for Coulson in other departments, juniors not under Hill's thumb, people who were being stifled by her lack of vision. One of them was a hacker, and they would love to make Rumlow's life hell.  "He'll be at the party too, I vote you have a little fun."

"I'll take care of it," Phil said. He looked out the window and they had arrived. Steve helped him out of the SUV and they looked around. "Well this is..."

"Tony doesn't do anything by half," Steve said looking at all the lights and people.

"Robin, you've returned from crusade!" A voice shouted.

Steve looked over. "Should he look that good in a red wig?"

"One of the mysteries of Clint," Phil said. He watched as Maid Marian threw herself at Steve and was a little impressed at how easily Steve caught Clint. He decided to disappear inside. He walked around the fringes of the party letting Melinda see the room, the amount of guests around, exits in case Hill or Rumlow figured them out. Melinda whispered a game plan into his ear and Phil walked up to the bar. "I can't eat or drink in this," he said.

"Nope, there will be pizza waiting when you get home," she said. "Stay on target."

Phil moved a bit away from the bar and scanned the room again. "I see Potts but not Stark."

"He likes to make an entrance," Natasha said beside Coulson. He looked down at her. "And do not make fun of my costume."

"Never," he swore. He began to hum the love song from Sleeping Beauty.

"Shut up, Pepper wanted it." Natasha crossed her arms and glared at the room.

"My lady, may I have this dance?" Pepper came up in a Prince Philip costume and Phil smiled at the two of them. They were adorable together.

"Adorable," Melinda said in his ear.

"Mhmm," Phil agreed. "Tony going to drop from the ceiling?"

Pepper looked at Natasha who gave a little nod. "He's already here. He likes costume parties because he can completely blend in, for a couple hours have fun not being Tony. He's dressed as -"

"Let me have some fun," Phil said. 

"You had the intel available and you didn't take it?" Melinda hissed in his ear. "Why do you always want to make it difficult?"

"Because it will impress him more after when he finds out I did it without help," Phil said. "Now he has to be in a full mask too no way does he shave the goatee."

"Could have hired a make up artist," Melinda pointed out. "He'll want to be completely hidden but he won't have gone cheap."

Phil nodded a little, the helmet shook a bit. He moved around the room, Melinda and he looking at people and dismissing options based on weight and height. "There," he said.

Melinda looked through the camera. "Agreed. Engage with caution."

"I'll ask him to dance."

"How is that caution?"

Phil didn't answer. "Excuse me, Morlock right?"

"Yeah," the face smiled pleased. "No one's gotten it. Thought I was something from Doctor Who."

"We don't get Doctor Who, if we don't have The Time Machine first," Phil replied.

"That's what I always say." Tony looked him up and down. "Little short for a storm trooper aren't you?"

"You got me, of course I am a hero using this as a disguise," Phil said. "Dance?" He held out his hand.

"Sure," Tony replied easily. He then frowned. "You sort of sound familiar?"

"Do I?" Phil brought him to the dance floor and began to move him around.

"Usually I lead, you know," Tony said and tried to take it back but got nowhere.

"That's the problem, Mr. Stark, you don't always have to lead, sometimes it is to your own benefit to let another be in control and just follow."

"The voice!" Tony shouted. People turned and Phil spun them away for people could realize it was Tony. "It's you."

"Phil abort," Melinda yelled. He tapped the side of the helmet and turned their connection off.

"It's me," Phil agreed. "Hello, Mr. Stark."

"You are a problem. I can't find you, you've turned the team against me, I don't need SHIELD, we don't need SHIELD," Tony insisted.

"In Jersey you rightfully ignored Rumlow, he's a jackass," Phil said. "But if you had had someone in your ear that you trust -"

"I did, I had JARVIS," Tony protested.

"And JARVIS knows everything?"

"Of course he does, he's JARVIS!"

"So he knew that Rumlow had practically benched Natasha because he hates her, and that on the ground southwest of your battle, 5 civilians were almost killed because of that, and decided to let you showboat instead of helping?"

Tony stopped mid dance floor and stared at him in horror. "What?"

Phil stared at him. Oh. Oh they had him all wrong didn't they? He quickly guided Tony out some balcony doors and Tony gripped the railing. "Pepper. I need Pepper." He hung his head and tried to breathe.

Phil slowly put a hand on his back and began to rub up and down. "In and out. In for five, hold for five, and out for five," Phil said and kept rubbing.

"I don't like to be touched," Tony said and was surprised when the man immediately removed his hand. He thought for sure the guy would be pressing his advantage right now. Not that he knew what advantage it was but, the guy was quiet. Tony tried the breathing the guy suggested and it started to help eventually. "You know you just proved why SHIELD sucks."

"It didn't used to," Phil said. "Hill and her minions suck, but there is a lot of good in SHIELD, and if you had a back up team, someone to coordinate, you would all be amazing."

"We're already amazing, we're superheroes. Haven't you seen the papers?"

"Mr. Stark have you told anyone how much that terrifies you?"

Tony glared through his makeup. "Only thing that terrifies me is a bar running out of booze."

"No, I don't think that is true. Trust your team, Mr. Stark, they won't think you weak." Phil looked at him. "You know the key to being a hero?"

"Sure, be like Cap," Tony said.

"Do you actually know him?"

"Lives in my building doesn't he? See him every day, old man was obsessed, know stories you can't dream of."

"After his first battle, he threw up and wouldn't stop shaking for hours."

"Bullshit, Dad never -"

"Your father remembered the hero he built, Peggy Carter remembered the man he was. The key to being a hero Mr. Stark is knowing it is okay to be scared and upset. You can let it bother you, but you get up again to save the people who can't save themselves."

"What do you know about it?"

"I know enough," Phil said. "You are a much better man than you think."

"I think I am the best."

"No, you don't do you?" Phil replied. "But you are."

Tony stood straight up and glared at him. "I don't need you."

"Yes you do," Phil said. "Mr. Stark, do you need a hug?"

Tony laughed harshly. "Because I'm five?"

"No, because everyone needs hugs."

"Natasha doesn't."

"Yes she does, and trust me. My hugs are the best. They are sort of legendary."

Tony laughed at that. "No hug is legendary." The guy didn't move. "Fine, go on prove it then."

Phil slowly went forward and wrapped his arms around Tony. "You're a good man, Charlie Brown," he whispered and squeezed just a little. 

Tony found himself leaning into it for just a second before he pushed the guy away. "Take off the helmet."

"Not yet, but you'll see me soon enough, I'm guessing. Good night Mr. Stark." Phil hurried away passing by Steve and Clint dancing and took one of the fleet of cabs in front. He waited until well away from the party to take his helmet off. He paid the cab and went up to his apartment. "Hey," he said to Melinda and she didn't say anything until he was out of the hard plastic and just in the undersuit. He went to the bathroom and when he came back there was a plate with pizza and a beer.

"So," she said.

"So," he agreed.

They sat and ate and drank and didn't say anything. She knew his face well enough to guess.

*******************************************

It was late and Tony was just staring out the window in the communal room. He was too restless for his quarters and knew the lab wouldn't distract him. He thought about bothering Pepper but she and Natasha had disappeared and he wanted Pepper happy. 

Clint wandered in wearing one of Steve's shirts and maybe the man's boxers too. He had wanted a snack and Steve had zero nonhealthy food, it was gross. He took one look at Tony. "Aww jeez, you got the hug didn't you?"

"What?" Tony slowly turned his head and looked at Clint. He saw what he was wearing but for once in his life didn't make a joke.

"You only get that look if he gives the hug of support and comfort and belief in you as a human being. That hug breaks you."

"A hug didn't break me."

"Broke me," Clint said easily. "Broke Natasha." He shrugged, "It is the best, most reassuring hug ever. Especially if you've never had one like it before. It is the it's okay hug, the I promise it's all okay hug. And that hug never lies."

"We don't need SHIELD," Tony insisted, but it sounded weaker than before.

"We need him," Clint said. "He gives those hugs a lot. Imagine finishing a mission and after getting that hug on the regular?" Clint smiled. "He will even kiss boo boos sometimes."

"Just tell me who he is," Tony said.

"Nope, you aren't ready yet. Maybe soon, but you'll just fuck it up if you know." Clint nodded and walked away. "Have a good night Tony."

"It wasn't that special a hug!" Tony shouted.

"Yes it was. C -" Clint cut himself off, aww mouth no, he thought. "His hugs always are." He hurried back to Steve.

Tony smiled a little, he had just a bit more information to go off of.

And the hug wasn't that special.

He didn't have a nightmare that night, but refused to believe it was because of that hug.


	6. Chapter 6

"Phil, my man, you didn't come to the party," Tony said as he walked into the gloomy office. "You broke my heart, we were going to bond."

"Oh gee, I am so sorry, Mister Stark," Phil said mixing earnestness and sadness into his tone. "But paperwork came down and we had to work on it."

"On a weekend?" Tony frowned. "I get SHIELD does lots but that seems crappy."

"Saving the world waits for no one man, especially one who keeps track of bullets," Phil said solemnly. Melinda gave him a look. He tapped an old code onto his his table that was basically  _let me have my fun_.

"I need tea," she said and walked away.

"She gets tea a lot," Tony said.

"Worse than Hawkeye and coffee," Phil agreed.

Tony paused. "How do you know about Clint and coffee?"

"Requisitions. 27 coffee pots have been requisitioned because of him," Phil explained. He didn't mention once upon a time he had been 11 of those requests. "Everyone knows about Hawkeye and coffee."

"Point," Tony said. He went over and leaned against that woman's desk.

"May doesn't like people in her space, even when she isn't there," Phil said.

"She doesn't scare me."

"Picture if Pepper also had 28 years of military and combat training," Phil suggested. He smirked a little when Tony immediately moved. "Not everyone has always been in records."

"What about you?" Tony asked.

"I've been pushing paper since the day I joined SHIELD," Phil said, which was true. "Everyone has a minimum of basic field training, knows how to shoot."

"Of course they do." Tony came around and leaned on Phil's desk close to him. He noticed the guy smelled nice. It was a decent suit too, actually way better than a guy in records should wear - it wasn't off rack by any means. "What's with the suit?"

"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have," Phil said. "Read that in a book. And I want that office with a window." His office, the one Rumlow was defiling with his presence.

"And I want to help you with that, Phil," Tony replied. "Let me help you help me help you. I have a little more information for you. Barton slipped a little defending a hug."

"A hug sir?"

"Never mind," Tony said. "It's stupid."

"Hugs are never stupid."

"Christ your family must love you. Bet you even make apple pie." Tony was almost in awe.

"No family," Phil replied and secretly hoped Clint or Melinda didn't hear that. "I have a cactus at home."

"Okay then," Tony smiled. "Hard C or K."

"I don't understand."

"Clint slipped a little said Ka, about the person who gave the hug," Tony felt downright smug. "So that has to lower the numbers for the guy we are looking for."

Melinda came back in. "Incoming," she warned.

"Sir, Mister Stark -"

"Tony, please," Tony smiled.

Phil glared. "I'll call you whatever you want if you get out of here. If you are seen down here, it will make a lot of trouble for us."

Tony felt his spine stiffen, it was a harder tone than he thought Phil was capable of. "I need that information."

Phil grabbed a post it and wrote down his address. "Friday night, 7pm. I'll have what you need." He held it out.

"I don't like people handing things to me," Tony said staring at the square.

Melinda made a noise in her throat and took the post it and stuck it to his chest. "Get gone," she said.

Tony squawked a little but with the looks they were giving him he decided to hurry out but maybe dropped a bug on the desk on his way out. He didn't see anyone in the hall and took the elevator up. He held his phone to his ear and listened. Phil and Melinda weren't talking but then Rumlow came in and just leveled a bunch of abuse at the two of them that just made zero sense. He sounded like he had an epic grudge against Phil, and Tony wondered if the guy had fucked up Rumlow's vacation pay or something. And that he knew Phil was somehow responsible for the porn spam of all his Avengers files. Oh Tony liked that, the suit had some balls if he did that.

There was a jostle and his tech went out but he heard enough. If Rumlow hated Phil, then Phil was probably an alright guy. Hopefully on Friday night he'd have some information for Tony. And hell Pepper could always find the guy a job if he got shit canned for this.

*****************************************

"Tony, come on in," Phil said when Tony knocked on the door. Tony went in and looked around. It wasn't a bit apartment but it was nice. And, "that's original," Tony said staring at the Captain America propaganda poster. "I lost out bidding on that to FanboyRedWhiteandBlue."

"Ha!" Phil grinned. "Are you SuitofIron?"

"I have an AI that is incalculably fast and you beat him out!" Tony wasn't sure if he was pissed or impressed.

"See spend your days filling out forms, you get fast on the keyboard," Phil grinned.

"Ugh, nerds, we've got 20 bucks riding on this game let's go!" Tony turned his head to the British accent and realized there was a group around the kitchen table. The only one he recognized was Phil's office mate.

"Nerds?" the tall blonde woman hit him. "You have 20 bucks riding on Formula D here, don't think you should really talk."

"Mack, defend me," the British guy whined.

"From your own wife, hell no. May, roll the dice," Mack said and May rolled.

"I have your files in my office," Phil said.

Tony looked at the table. "What game is that?" He moved a little closer.

"Forumla D, it's a game based on F1 racing," Phil explained.

"I own an F1 team," Tony said, curious. He looked at the board and the ships. "Can I play?"

The group looked to Phil, who just shrugged a little intrigued.

"Yeah, we were just getting started," Melinda said.

"Mate, owning a team ain't going to help you win this," Hunter said. "Especially since your team is shit. Shouldn't have lost your chance to hire Lewis Hamilton."

"Here we go," Bobbi muttered. Phil grabbed a folding chair and sat next to Tony. 

"Beer?" Phil asked.

"I don't drink expect for show these days," Tony said.

"Well, soda is in the fridge and May will make tea sooner or later," Phil said. "Takeout will be here soon."

"Yeah sure," Tony looked at the little playing square he was given. "This is overly simplified."

"It's a board game," Mack said. "You just play."

"Okay," Tony said. They played a round and Tony insisted on paying for the take out when it arrived. They all ate straight out of containers and shared, horrifying Tony. "Hygiene?" Tony asked. He clutched a container of sweet and sour pork and would not share.

The rest just looked at each other. "I used to live with Barton - it changed my views of hygiene forever," Bobbi shrugged and stole a prawn from Mack.

"You're the amazon ex?" Tony realized.

"Yup," Bobbi agreed.

"Going to be my ex too, if you don't share the peanut chicken," Hunter said and stole her container. Mack and May politely switched and everyone somehow juggled the food and playing the game. They were talking sports and random things and it reminded Tony of how the Avengers sometimes hung out. He and Steve were the centre there, but here, Phil was clearly the center.

"Ugh you bastard," Hunter groaned when Mack won. "I demand Shadows Over Camelot next, I'm good at that one."

"I think we've kept Mister Stark long enough," Phil said. "Let me give him those notes and then we can play."

"What's that game?" Tony asked leaning forward.

"Sort of co-op but one person is an asshole and trying to fuck it up for everyone," Hunter said eagerly. "All King Arthur shit. Bobs prefers Dead of Winter same mechanics but zombies, but I like excalibur and all that and it is my pick."

"I'm in," Tony said immediately. Phil dealt with all the take out dishes while Mack and Hunter put away the first game and Bobby and May set up the second. Tony watched it all. "You know maybe the Avengers should play more board games. We don't do that but it could be fun."

"No it wouldn't," the whole table said immediately.

"Why?" Tony asked.

"Clint is too restless unless it is like pictionary stuff," Bobbi explained.

"And Natasha once stabbed someone when playing a horror game," May added.

"I bet Captain America would be swell at board games," Phil added.

"I'm doing board games," Tony decided.

"Your funeral," Bobbi said. They settled into the next game which was a lot harder and Tony had to focus and felt himself taking it way too seriously. "You know, Hand is wrong about you. You don't have the attention span of a goldfish."

"Bobs, be nice," Hunter said.

"I am nice, Hand was the one complaining."

"She dropped herself out of the competition to be the Avengers handler, something about no one able to follow directions, and we were all going to end up dead. Mainly by her."

"I love working with her," Bobbi added.

"Because you are peas in the pod," Mack pointed out.

"You know she recommended someone she thought would be perfect for the job. Hill shredded the forms right in front of her," Bobbi added. 

"Who?" Tony had to admit he was curious.

"A guy who is really well respected among those that matter. The sort of guy a lot of us would take a bullet for, the sort of guy who if he told us to march into hell, no questions asked people would be fighting to lead the charge."

Tony snorted a bit. "There's no one like that at SHIELD."

"There are a few," May commented. "Now pick your next action."

The game took 2 hours and at the end Tony almost flipped the table. "Coulson you were betraying us?" 

Phil smiled. "Looks like I win," he said.

"Ugh you were on fire tonight. Next time, taking you down Coulson," Mack said. His watched beeped and he grinned. "YoYo's back. I'm out of here. Who needs a ride back to base?"

Bobbi raised her hand and Hunter and May shook their heads. They all packed up and soon it was just Phil and Tony left. "Well, those are my friends."

"They all work for SHIELD?" Tony asked.

"Mack's in the motor pool, Bobbi's a field agent. Hunter is...a freelancer we sometimes hire."

"We?"

"Well I've filed his paperwork," Phil said. "And speaking of, I have a list for you." Phil walked to his office and Tony followed. He whistled at the other Captain America memorabilia. "I have lost a bunch of auctions to you."

"We all got bonus pay for the Battle of New York," Phil said. He opened a file folder. "The hard C or K sound really narrowed it down. I have 11 names for you." He put the paper down and stepped back a little. Tony picked it up and frowned. 

"You handed stuff to me during the games and I didn't mind." 

"I'm sorry," Phil was sincere.

"No, I didn't mind. That's only for people I trust."

"Or it was an awkward space, I somehow doubt you trust me," Phil said. "You going to interview all those people?"

Tony looked at the list. "It's even smaller. 3 of these have already failed out."

"Unless they are trying for a second chance," Phil pointed out. "Maybe I can help. What do you know about the man?"

"The C or K, the good hug," Tony said. He thought about it. "Little bit smug and snarky. Like he was laughing at me, but it never really felt mean."

"Foul language?"

"No," Tony said.

"In that case take Carruthers off the list. Guy is an old timey sailor with the cursing. Even writes it into his reports." Tony crossed him off the list. "Likewise Killian is a year away from retirement and wouldn't want the stress."

"That helps, thanks Phil," Tony said.

"Of course." Phil took a breath. "Tony if you need any more help could you call me or come here? If you keep coming down to records it might go poorly for us, especially if Rumlow found out."

"Why?"

"He doesn't like us," was all Phil would say.

"Sure," Tony agreed. He was getting curiouser and curiouser and was totally asking Clint and Natasha some questions. "Do you think Hand might have recommended one of these people?"

"I couldn't say, no one knows what goes on in her mind." Phil smiled faintly.

"You got a crush Phil?" Tony teased.

"No, she's not my sort," Phil replied. "It is getting late, and I have to do the coffee and tea run tomorrow."

"Right." Tony gave him a finger gun and headed to the door. "Say do you do this often?"

"Think I mentioned it was once a month."

"Right, right." Tony rocked on his heels a bit.

"Would you like to come again next month?"

"If I'm not busy. I'm probably busy. Lots to do, build tech, save the world, you know."

"I actually have a game where you build robots."

"Really?" Shit, he had to cut down the eager. "Well see you, Phil." Tony walked out and down to the lobby where Happy was dozing. "Fuck, I left you hanging."

Happy yawned. "Not the first time. What was her name that got you so distracted?"

"Phil," Tony said. Happy looked at him and smirked. "I mean it was business. Nothing. Find me a board game store that is open this late."

"Sure boss."

The next morning Phil had several angry messages from Clint and Natasha about the board games Tony had brought home. They promised retribution. Swift and painful retribution. Phil just smiled. Guess Stark had a good time at his place.


	7. Chapter 7

Phil knew Melinda was just biding her time. She was evil like that. He would be sure that she was just going to let it go and then whammo that May knows and sees everything look. But it had been over a week, and she hadn't mentioned game night, so maybe she was going to let it go.

Tony had texted a few times, about the names on the list. No biggie. And maybe once they got distracted and spent a couple hours texting about nothing in particular. Tony was pretty funny.

"So, new player at game night," Melinda said out of nowhere. "Interesting."

"Dammit, I knew you'd say something," Phil replied. He looked up and sure enough she was giving him that I know everything look. "I doubt he'll be there again."

"Natasha said he's been talking about you."

"Really?" Phil asked and leaned forward. "What's he been saying?" Melinda just stapled more pages. "I hate you." 

They kept working and Phil tried to think of a good bribe or blackmail option to get her to talk when a young woman came running down the hall so fast she bounced off the door. They both got up, grabbing the hidden weapons in their desks. She opened the door and came tumbling in. "May, Avengers call out."

"Okay," May said. "Johnson, calm down. Breathe. They get called out all the time."

The woman shook her head. "I've been monitoring Rumlow's computer like you asked. He is planning to leave either Barton or Romanoff hanging. May, he wants them dead."

"Go to the motor pool, tell Mack, code restore balance to the force," May said. The woman nodded and went running out as fast as she came in.

"You know there is a timeline out there where you saying that is the exact moment I fall in love with you," Phil said. He put on a gun holster and put the gun in and grabbed his taser. He checked his ankle knife as well. "I take it that is one of the younglings you've been secretly training up?"

"We are not sticking with the star wars stuff," Melinda warned. "And I'm just back up."

"Of course," he agreed. They moved out calmly and went to the motorcade where Mack just happened to have signed out one of the largest armored SUVs for an engine test. They got in the back where Johnson was already typing furiously..

"We are going to get in soooo much trouble for this," she said.

"Daisy, we are doing the right thing. You did the right thing," May reassured her. "Rumlow can't be allowed to have harm come to an agent."

"Fitz Simmons sent a couple toys along, stuff they aren't supposed to be working on, but they are being held back," Daisy said. She handed Phil a gun. "Heard about you, from May, and Mack. You sound like you get it."

"I do?" Phil asked.

"Hill keeps down anyone innovative," May said. "The three I've been talking with off the books, some of the best in science division in years."

"May you building me a team so I can run the Avengers?"

"On the ground organizing is just as dangerous. Might as well use what we can," May said matter of fact. She handed Phil a vest and he tried to wave it off. "We both know you won't stay in the van." Phil put it on.

"Where are we going?" he asked. He went over to the computer and put a comm in his ear. 

"South," Daisy said. "Word is an AIM lab got a little too experimental. Bad goo, now bad guys."

Mack was driving them quickly to the location.

"Avengers already on scene, and Rumlow is screaming at them," Daisy said. "How does someone live after calling the Black Widow those names? Why isn't the team defending her?"

"My guess is she is the only one hearing it," Phil said. "Can you cut him off and put me in?"

Daisy grinned and got to work. A few minutes later she wiggled in her chair. "Aww yeah, take that dickwad. He thinks he's still got them but it is all you."

Phil looked at the computers. Daisy had them set up so he was seeing everything Rumlow and his team was and he cursed. "Barton talk to me," Phil said. There was silence on the line. "Barton why are you headed east? You should be -"

"North in that one tree?"

"Read my mind," Phil said. "Go."

"Yes sir." Clint was quiet for a second. "And sir?"

"I know," Phil said. "Widow, since I like you alive, you need to change your direction as well, there is a heat signature at that back door I don't like. 3 stories up west wall, open window."

"On it," she said. "You aren't voice cloaked."

"Hopefully JARVIS will distort me for Tony."

"Tony is it?" Clint asked.

"Shut it Barton, looked like you'll having incoming soon." Phil directed people calmly, Clint and Natasha listening happily and Steve following their lead. Mack had them parked on a side street and Daisy kept fucking with Rumlow's connection as he got increasingly angry that no one was following his orders - and that clean up of this job was going quicker than he had expected. And with a lot less fallout.

***********************************

Tony was flying and shooting at whatever was on the roof of the building. It was something, he couldn't quite see what, but the way it had shot toxic slime at the crowd below meant bad, but all his shots weren't doing anything.

"Iron Man," that voice said.

"You're back," Tony replied. "I'm close to figuring out who you are."

"That's excellent, but right now we are busy. Your attacks are ineffective on that particular creature."

"I noticed, thanks for the update."

"3 blocks south there is a van, it has something that might be useful."

Tony hesitated. If he went that meant he trusted this voice, like he hadn't any of the other candidates. It meant that he would listen, could be bound. SHIELD would have them under their thumb.

"Stark, trust him," Natasha called out. Clint seconded it, but of course he would.

"Tony, I like him, and we have zero civilians injuries so far," Steve said into their connection. "That's not happened since Jasper."

Tony banked and flew to the coordinates that JARVIS put on the screen. A package was thrown in the air and he caught it. It glowed a little. He headed back to the monster. 

"Throw that into the centre of the creature and then blast it," the voice ordered.

Tony did it and the thing seemed to just freeze. Okay so that worked. It was pretty impressive. Only it cracked and exploded and the slime slid into cracks in the armor and he couldn't move. He fell to the ground hard. That voice cursed in his ear and ordered people to Tony. Some AIM goons with guns came tearing out of the building and Tony tried to fire at them but his systems were jammed with the ooze.  At least he was pretty damn bullet proof.

A smoke grenade was tossed and then he heard the noise of bullets and fighting. He couldn't make out the person beyond a vague shape, but it wasn't his teammates. He switched to a heat vision watch and saw the shape of a man take out the last goon with a taser. There was the screech of tires and he had to dive out of the way. A hand came out of the van and the shape was gone. Tony couldn't see plate numbers. "JARVIS?"

"Sorry sir, I am unable to identify."

The smoke cleared and soon the whole team was with him and so was Rumlow. He barely noticed Clint punch the guy and then have Steve haul him back, only to add a second punch that knocked the guy out. 

"Tony?" Natasha asked.

Tony lifted the mask and bent down. He picked up the dropped taser. "I just have to match this to a guy. No big deal." Tony smiled. "I got him."

"I mean, we all know who he is, we can just tell you and put him in charge?" Clint asked.

Tony grinned. "Now where is the fun in that?" He looked at the taser. This was going to be fun.


	8. Chapter 8

"I don't approve of you cutting off your ground assistance, Stark," Maria said. "There could have been great consequences for that."

"Oh like this?" Tony played the file of Rumlow screaming abuse at Natasha and clearly setting her up. "Little birdie gave me that."

"You -" Rumlow began.

Hill smiled at him. "You're fired," she said. She looked at the team. "Satisfied?"

Runlow was going to bluster but Steve shoved him out the door and slammed it in his face.

Tony nodded. "We've all made our choice. There is one and only one SHIELD handler that we will accept."

Hill smiled. "Excellent. Who?"

"Not a clue what his name is," Tony said downright cheerful. "He's been hacking our systems, and I want him. We want him."

Maria looked at Clint and Natasha but they were completely unreadable. "Really? Not even the spies know who it is?"

"SHIELD employs a lot of people," Clint said. "But whoever it is, we like them. We want them."

"If you don't know who they are, how can we possibly make them fit?" Hill was seething but kept it off her face. This wasn't supposed to be how it played out. She had information on all the candidates that she had given to them, she would have stayed in control of the Avengers. This was too many variables.

"I want all male employees currently in New York gathered in one place."

"Fine," Hill smiled. "We have less than 20 field agents -"

"No," Tony said. "All male employees over 30 and under 60 brought together."

"That's a lot of people," Hill said. "It could take some time."

"An hour," Tony said. The whole team stood up. Clint says everyone should fit in the hanger?"

"Does he?"

"I'm the helpful sort."

"Aren't you just?" Hill's smile could have drawn blood. "An hour, Stark."

**************************************

 Phil and Mack stood side by side. "This an execution? Because Hill looks pissed."

"She always looks pissed," Phil commented "No Rumlow. Hmmm." He watched Tony climb onto the makeshift stage. "Oh this could be interesting."

Tony grabbed a bullhorn. "One of you has been playing games with me. And it ends today." He held up the taser. "This belongs to one of you gentleman and I want to return it to you and offer you a job as the Avengers SHIELD liaison."

"That's my taser," a few people called out and Phil was very very quiet.

"Boss?" Mack whispered. "Guess we know what happened to your taser."

Phil didn't take his eyes off of Hill. "We need to be careful right now," Phil replied.

"But we say it is yours and her hands are tied."

Maria was now looking at Phil. "No, no she wouldn't. Mack, go get that hacker who helped us out of the building."

"There were a couple scientists too," Mack whispered.

"Them too, get them and May out."

"May will object to the idea of leaving you."

"I know, ultimate best friend," Phil agreed. "Make it happen, Mack."

"You got it." Mack tried to melt into the crowd but Tony saw him - it was hard to miss.

"Mack! Don't you want to take part?" Tony called into the bullhorn.

"Sorry Stark, but I know that ain't mine, mechanics don't care tasers, we carry tire irons."

Tony nodded. "Cool. See you at Phil's next game night buddy!"

Clint went very still on the stage next to Tony and Maria's gaze sharpened on Phil.

"Mack, time just became of the essence, I think," Phil said. "Get them out."

Mack was very careful not to rush and when he was out in the hall, the black widow appeared next to him. "Phil wants us to get his team out. Should you guard Phil?"

Natasha shook her head. "Not if those are his orders, and Clint and others are in there, too many witnesses - he'll be fine. I'll get May you get the babies." Mack nodded and they split apart.

Tony smiled at everyone in the room. "Now then first step is simple. If your first name, last name, incredibly well known nickname doesn't start with a hard C or K sound, bu-bye!" He gave a wave and about two thirds of the group emptied out. Maria became to move off the stage. "Where you going?" Tony asked. She winced at how loud the bullhorn was. He lowered her. "Come on, Hill, don't you want to play who gets the rose?"

"No, I have a meeting with the world security counsel. Just bring them to me at the end so that I can work on clearance levels and contracts." Hill smiled and Clint watched.

"Stay," Clint said. He didn't want her moving. He really didn't trust her.

"No, it's fine," Tony dismissed. "Come on we're having fun."

"Have your fun," Hill agreed and walked off the stage. 

Clint moved over to Steve. "Find Phil in the crowd, he was over there," Clint pointed to where he had last seen Phil. "I think Maria has figured it out." Steve gave him a salute and hopped down.

Tony was in full put on a show mode. "Now then, wonderful people who are left, you are going to come up here one by one and tell me something about this taser. A serial number, a fault, and hold it. This thing is worn down in a very particular pattern, and it will be easy to tell if it fits in your hand. How about you first?" Tony pointed and a man came up to the stage. The rest began to form a queue and Phil went to it and wondered what he would say when he got up there, what Tony would say when he found out. He was practicing options in his head when Rumlow came up to him.

"Come along, Phil," Rumlow whispered.

"I'm good where I am," Phil said.

The lights in the hanger blinked out. "Come along or those junior scientists Maria has in her office will meet an unfortunate end."

Phil felt Rumlow push a gun into his side and they left the room.

The lights came back on and Tony looked at Clint who shrugged. "Power is sometimes fucked in the hanger."

Tony nodded and kept moving through the queue. Steve tried to find Phil who had disappeared. Soon there were no men left.

"What the fuck?" Tony asked his friends. "What the fuck?"

Clint looked at Steve. "Where's Phil?"

Steve looked helpless. "Gone. Do you think he ran?"

"Phil? My office guy Phil? My Phil?" Tony asked. "Shit, I mean I thought he'd be here, and could help me out. Well I know where his office is." Tony was whistling and headed down. He turned when Clint didn't follow. "Clint? Why did your resting bitch face get all mean? Meaner?"

"Because someone just fucked with Phil," Clint said.

Steve and Tony were honestly a little scared by the face.

Clint tapped his comms. "Widow?"

"His team are all out and at a safe house, per his orders."

"We don't have eyes on him."

"Coming to you."

"Nat's coming," Clint said. "Maria did something to Phil."

"Why would she?" Tony asked. "Because there wasn't paperwork for this little event?"

Clint glared at him. "Put it together Tony!"

"Did you just imply I'm stupid?"

"Well right now you are." Clint grabbed the quiver and arrows he had stashed beside the stage. "Agent Philip J. Coulson. Level 7 Agent who brought in Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff and lead Strike Team Delta. Agent Philip J. Coulson who was Director Fury's right hand until Hill's coup, where he was demoted to records and Nat, May, and I, made sure Hill didn't assassinate him. Agent Philip J Coulson who the best fucking man SHIELD has ever had. And that is his fucking taser. I know that because of the notch in bottom is where he knocked me out once. He loves that thing. And he should be here and isn't."

"Board game Phil?" Tony said shocked.

"Tony, he's got a brilliant tactical mind," Steve said quietly. "I'm sorry we all did this."

Tony was nodding and putting all the pieces together. "We are all talking about this later. He probably went to take a leak. JARVIS locate Phil," Tony said into his phone.

"He is not in the building sir. He was forcibly removed and put into a car based on the video footage I have seen."

Tony paled. "He can't get hurt." He looked at his friends. "We have to do a big heroic rescue. They can't hurt my paper pusher."

"You're paper pusher?" Clint asked.

"Shut up," Tony said. "Think a rescue would warrant a hug?"

"We'll find out. When we find him."

******************************************

Phil woke up in a small room. He could tell just by the feel of the energy that it was the Sandbox.

There was a piece of paper slid under the door.

_Did you really think you would win?_

_Hill_.

Phil just sat on the ground and leaned his head against the wall. Because for a second, yeah he thought he had everything again.

But he wasn't meant for happy ever after it seemed.


	9. Chapter 9

Phil moped for an hour. He figured he was allowed an hour of moping. He was tired and grumpy and he had wanted to see Tony's face when he realized the taser belonged to Phil. It would have been great and Hill ruined it, just like she had ruined the last couple years. He intensely disliked her. So Phil let those feelings roll over him and seep through him. All his anger and sadness and wallowed. God he couldn't remember the last time he properly wallowed in his misery.

He looked at his watch and really enjoyed the last minute of his mope. When the second hand hit 12 he nodded and stood up. "Time to get to work," he said and began to examine the room. There had to be a way out or around, there always was. And when he found it, he was pretty sure he was going to punch Hill.

**************************************

"You are like Tony Stark," Fitz said.

"I am," he stared at the three sitting at the table. They looked earnest and innocent. "Why are there babies here?"

"We aren't babies," Daisy made a face at him. "We're Agent Coulson's team. Or we were going to be, when he got the job, before he went missing."

"His team, why would he need a team?" Tony asked. "His job is just watching us. Did Jasper have a team?"

"Yeah, but he kept them at headquarters. Phil always likes a group with him, more hands on," Clint explained fondly. "God Nat were we ever that young? Do you guys need like a lollipop or something?"

"We have multiple phds," Jemma snapped.

"I have a van," Daisy offered. "And I will totally take a lollipop."

Clint handed her one.

"Why don't you ever offer me candy?" Steve asked. "I like lollipops."

Clint smirked. "I'll give you something to lick later."

Steve smiled and Daisy put the candy down. "Well that moment just ruined it for me forever."

May looked at them all. "Focus. Phil has been taken. This is unacceptable. I will get him back."

"May, he wouldn't want you to break your choices for him," Natasha said softly.

"Well then he shouldn't have gotten his ass kidnapped," May replied. "I'm getting him back."

"But, May, you are like a den mom or something?" Daisy said. "Like sure you've been training us but what can you do?"

Mack smiled softly. "She's the Calvary."

"Don't call me that," May said and she sighed when the babies all dropped their jaws and stared at her.

"Is she a superhero?" Steve asked Clint.

"No," Melinda replied.

"Yes," Natasha, Mack, and Clint said.

"Right, don't care, my paper pusher got stolen, I want him back."

Daisy said, "get me a computer."

"Why?"

"Because I put certain programs into certain dead spots in the SHIELD system that will get me in, even if my tags have all been removed from the system," she said. Mack handed her a laptop. "Great." Daisy began to type and Tony paced.

"So Mack is the driver, a couple scientists, a hacker, and you," Natasha said. "This is a good team for Phil on the ground."

Melinda nodded. "They seemed like a good fit. They all have potential." She smiled to herself just a little bit at the way the three juniors perked up. Phil was always the one to have ducklings in his wake and she thought it silly. Maybe there was something to it.

"Huh, there was a transfer to the Sandbox, big one," Daisy said. "That's...that's not good right?"

"No, that's not good," May agreed.

"Why?" Tony asked. "Let's just go."

"It is the most secure SHIELD facility in the world," Natasha explained. "It is difficult for me to break in."

"Difficult," Tony jumped on the word. "But you have us."

"And us!" Daisy said. Jemma and Fitz nodded. 

May gave them a proud look. Good little ducklings. "I have enough clearance to access it."

"They'll have stripped that," Mack pointed.

"Yeah, but May goes there in full May-ness, they'll at least answer the door," Clint said, "and then -"

"We storm the castle," Tony finished.

"We need a plane," May said.

"I don't," Tony walked away and went to the roof and was in the air in moments. "JARVIS what do we have on the Sandbox?"

"Sir, shouldn't you wait for the others?"

"No. They are probably torturing Phil as we speak. We need to bring it all down."

JARVIS began to relay the information he had.

******************************************************

The World Security Counsel was in a meeting when the secretary knocked. "Busy," one member called out.

"Sir you don't understand, he won't go away."

"Who?"

"Me," Nick Fury said as he walked in, making damn sure it was as dramatic an entrance as possible. "You are going to give me back SHIELD and these files prove why." He dropped them on the desk and smiled. "You all been played but good."

*******************************************************

Phil stood flat against the wall and waited. He guessed that food would be dropped through the base slot shortly. Sure enough he thought maybe he heard footsteps and then the sightline window on the door opened.

"Stand where I can see you!" barked the voice.

"No thanks, this wall is really comfy, very leanable."

"Last warning."

"There really wasn't a first warning," Phil pointed out. "That's just lazy really. There should be an or else or something. Hill really doesn't train her goons well does she?" The guy really proved Phil's point by swinging the door open ready to attack. It was a short fight, Hill's team having forgotten or never known who Phil was. Phil stole the man's radio, gun, and tac vest. He went out into the hall and looked around.

"I'm not even in the sub-basement?" Phil realized. "Jesus I'm insulted." He figured his best bet was to get to the motorcade and steal a car and then contact Clint or May. He moved through the hall and sirens went off. He looked up at a camera and sighed. "Should have realized I'd be pinged," he muttered. 

"Incoming potential hostile," a voice said through the speakers.

Huh, not about him then. Well never let it be said Phil doesn't know when to take advantage. He hurried for the elevator and hit the button and was rejected. He tried again and looked at the cuff on his wrist. "Fuck," he realized. Hill wasn't completely stupid and tagged him. He looked up and saw the vents. If Clint could do it, he could to. He just had to figure out how to jump up there.  He shot a couple times at the vent and was surprised when it actually fell off; apparently no screwed in very well. He heard running footsteps and then someone actually shouted halt.

Phil turned and saw Rumlow back by half a dozen guards. "Hey," he said.

"I am going to take pleasure in this."

Phil didn't bother responding just shot at Rumlow right in his vest. The guards all paused for a second which was enough for Phil to jump up and crawl into the vent. Fuck that was a tight fit but he took a breath and got moving. He really didn't like the movie Die Hard.

**************************************

"Well at least Stark is providing a distraction," Clint said beside May as they flew the cloaked plane in. Tony was flying around the building and doing his best to avoid being shot. "Also we gonna talk about the fact that you stole a bloody quinjet at somepoint and just had it sitting cloaked on the roof of an office building in New York?"

"Didn't steal," May said. "People will sign anything you put in front of them."

"You are the best," Clint said.

"I know," May agreed and landed the jet. She took a few deep breaths and ran off the Quinjet. "That's not Stark! I have the Avengers with me, let us in!" she shouted. "Melinda May Access 83KL21F!" She gestured behind her back and the rest made sure to storm off the plane in impressive fashion.

The roof guards opened the doors quickly and Melinda shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said and knocked them cold. "One of you get Stark down will you?" 

Steve tapped his comms and Tony flew over. 

"I totally am the reason you got in," he said. He would never mention that JARVIS couldn't actually hack the system. He was planting a million bugs while they were rescuing Phil. "Let's go." He walked into the building taking the lead and turned a couple corners and was right back where he started from. "Right, let's go" he repeated only the same thing happened.

"Dude, you never went more than 5 feet away from us," Clint said and laughed. He went over to a wall and typed in his access code and the walls went from pure white to flat grey. "Sort of a holodeck thing."

Natasha went over the computer and did some work. "Ugh they didn't even have him in the sub basements."

"But it's Phil - he should be in the -"

"We are supposed to know about that."

"Right, right."

"Where's Phil?" Tony shouted.

"Follow me," May said and started walking. 

"See that? That is a hero strut," Clint said. "You sort of have it babe, but with more stoicism less murder face."

"She's good," Steve said.

"She is the one who got Natasha integrated," Clint explained. He looked over at Tony. "Her and Phil are close. Like super close." But Tony had a good poker face and revealed nothing. Steve gave his best disappointed face to Clint who was a little sorry. "They are what Nat and I are going to be in 15 years," Clint added and even in the armor he could see Tony relax a little. 

"Move!" May called and they all hurried after her. She lead them down to the prisoner wing and they all heard shots. Everyone began to run.

*************************************************

Phil was never climbing into a vent again. He had twisted his ankle and then then collapsed the ceiling when it couldn't handle his weight. He was seriously asking Clint how he managed it. But it had made enough noise Rumlow and the goons had appeared. He was doing a decent job of staying alive but he was running out of energy.

He heard a snarl and grinned and hit the deck. The two guards near him went flying having been hit by May and Natasha. Clint's arrow stuck a guy to the wall and Tony was there.

"No beam in here," Phil called out when Tony lifted his hand. "Walls will just send it back."

Steve was headed for Rumlow and Phil watched Rumlow pull a gun that he knew was packing something more than regular bullets with the way it glowed. And he was closest. Phil ran and did a small jump and put his foot in the crux of Rumlow's elbow and with a heave had himself up and his thighs around Rumlow's neck. He twisted his own weight and brought them both down. He rolled on top and slammed Rumlow's wrist until he let go of the prototype gun. He flung it down the hall and got up. He ran to Tony and grabbed his taser off Iron Man's hip and with a lot of pleasure hit Rumlow with a lot of volts. He did not smile at how Rumlow's body twitched.

"You say golly and fill out papers!" Tony shouted. He lifted his mask to glare at Phil.

"I can do a few other things too," Phil said. He watched May and Natasha make sure that everyone was staying down. "Thanks for the rescue."

"Yeah, I really did a lot," Tony muttered. 

"You did plenty," Phil reassured him and hugged the metal suit.

"Dammit, how does that work even through all the gear?" 

"Phil hugs. They are magic," Clint said solemnly.

There was a noise behind them and Steve and Tony automatically moved to protect the team.

Nick stood there with a team of his own. "Well so much for my big entrance. Come on Cheese, we have headquarters to clear out."

"Yes sir," Phil said and moved forwards and was stopped by Tony.

"He's ours now," Tony said.

"And you can have him, after I get him back where he belongs," Nick said.

Tony tried to hold on but Phil kept moving forward. He followed Nick onto the elevator and just before the doors closed Phil grinned and winked at Tony. Tony scratched his chin. "Did we win?"

"We get Phil, we definitely won," Clint said. "We get Phil, we get Phil!" he chanted.

Natasha went up to Tony. "The wink means he likes you."

"Well sure, I'm likeable."

May went up as well. "You hurt him, you will not see me coming."

"I don't -"

"He left his taser behind," Natasha said. "Maybe since you now know who it belongs to, you should return it?"

Tony smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, I should definitely do that."


	10. Chapter 10

"Nice office," Tony said.

"You've seen it before," Phil replied. They stared at each other across the room.

"When Rumlow had it, your sense of style is better," Tony shrugged and looked around. "Needs a plant."

"Plants and I are a bad combo," Phil said. "Are you here to discuss the game plan?"

"No," Tony stopped talking. He was not used to not having the words just flying out of his mouth. But Phil was making him silent, words trapped. He walked over and put the taser on the table. "You forgot this."

"Thanks, I was missing Dum Dum."

Tony laughed a little at that. "Of course it's named after a commando."

"What can I help you with Tony?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tony asked. "Why all the deceptions?"

"There were lots of reasons and before you ask yes they were good ones, legit ones," Phil replied. "My safety, your stubborn ass...Okay mostly there were two reasons." Phil moved around his desk a little closer to Tony. "Tony I will be very good at the job."

"Saw your files, and Clint hasn't shut up about you, I know that." 

Phil watched him carefully. "Oh," he realized.

"What?"

"You are scared I was pretending to be your friend to get the job."

"No!" Tony blustered. "That's not it at all." He faked a beeping noise. "Oops, Avengers Assemble, gotta go."

"My phone would have rung too," Phil said. 

"Super secret Avengers signal, you aren't in the loop yet." Tony looked around. "Would have thought there'd be a photo of May on your desk."

"Why?" Phil looked at him. "We're not like that. She's down with the team, training them. She always hated proper offices. And I promised to introduce her to Thor. She thinks he's dreamy."

"That terrifies me."

"Me too," Phil agreed. He moved closer to Tony but kept a couple feet between them. "I tricked you because I wanted the job. I wanted to work with Clint and Natasha again. And then on that balcony, at the party, I saw you."

"What'd you see? My incredible costume?"

"I saw you," Phil repeated. "Tony, can I give you a hug?" He waited patient. Tony received a real beep and Phil's phone rang. 

"We have to go," Tony said.

"Tony, can I give you a hug?"

"We have to save the world." But Tony leaned forward a little and Phil pulled him into a tight grip. "I'm going to work with you, and I'm going to be your friend, and a little bit in the future, maybe when you come to the next game night, I'm going to kiss you and ask you out on a date."

"You do give really fucking great hugs," Tony said into his shoulder. The beeping got louder and oddly angrier. Tony let go. "Avengers Assemble, don't forget your taser."

"I won't," Phil promised and went to his phone even as Tony ran out of the room. "Clint, please don't spy on my office," he called up to the ceiling.

"Don't worry boss, I don't want to see that sappy romantic shit. That was gross."

"Get assembly."

"Yes, sir," Clint said.

Phil went down to the motorcade and hopped in with his team and they raced after the Avengers. He saw the streak of Iron Man in the sky and smiled.

"Why is he smiling like that?" Daisy asked May.

"Because he's got a date, that's his date smile," May explained.

"I have the potential of a date," Phil answered.

Tony's voice rang through the van. "No, you have a date. Wear something pretty."

"Iron Man, how about you focus on that rocket in the sky for now, and we can talk Italian restaurants later."

"We can talk Italy later," Tony agreed and went and blasted the rocket out of the air.

"SHIELD's version of romance is weird," Daisy said.

"You have no idea," Mack called from the front.

"Let's just keep the superheroes alive shall we?" Phil suggested. 

"Yeah, you don't want to miss out on Italy," May said drily.

Phil didn't reply to that, just focused on the mission. But a small corner of his brain was thinking about Italy. It didn't help that Tony wouldn't stop singing in Italian while he saved the day.


End file.
